sinaurora (sinaurora) wrote,
sinaurora
sinaurora

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Conversations with lepers

I left my yahoo messenger open today and came back to the computer with a random weirdo that happened to remember me from some sort of past chatting experience. I went through a time that I would play the game of personifying myself into the traditional image and response of an attention hungry online female. This was not recent...This was how it would play out: random person one would message me, message would state some sort of profane come on with area code and "wanna have fun", I would spend time asking them why they spent their time doing this, how it benefited them in any forum, the desperation of it all used to perplex me, one word responses would be returned from me...that was enough generally to provoke more (a what? or a sure? or uumm.. yeah.. no matter how rude still kept them talking ... even when I wanted to end the conversation), after awhile they would try and ask abrasive questions to me which I would never give answers, and then I would just close the window.. turn it off.. disgusted at people in cyberspace.
Anyway, apparently one of these fellows has remembered me from somewhere and told me that they met me which I'm sure never happened.. plus the time he gave me as to when isn't even when I was living in this area.


want2bebadwme: and all the girls I date say they are wild but after we date a couple of weeks I get laid and it's never good
want2bebadwme: it's ok
trulytam: yeah... gotcha
trulytam: so how are they bad?
want2bebadwme: now u r mocking me
trulytam: no.. not
want2bebadwme: they just lay there
want2bebadwme: and they don't suck me, or want to wear anything sexy or do it in wild places
trulytam: relationship girls generally mean that they have to be comfortable to have that sort of intimacy.. and they are not going to be as exploratory...
trulytam: i.. on the other hand... would be the other type of person..
want2bebadwme: yeah I've heard that before
trulytam: just that ... i don't see the point anymore.. but i have attempted...
trulytam: now you are mocking me
want2bebadwme: well sorry but you sound just like the othr girls
want2bebadwme: talking how if we were a couple you'd rock my world
trulytam: nope.. im not sayng that
want2bebadwme: but it never seems to be true
want2bebadwme: what are you saying then?
trulytam: i'm not saying anything pertaining to you
want2bebadwme: oh sorry
trulytam: and i'm also not saying that i am going to be the exact image of sexual perfection..
trulytam: there is no reason to say that
trulytam: chemistry is dependant on each person
want2bebadwme: I don't want perfection I just want pssion
want2bebadwme: passion
trulytam: it all depends on how well the person anticipates my moves
trulytam: and i have been known to scare several guys in relationships
trulytam: them saying that they just don't like sex as much as i do
trulytam: that i'm too....
trulytam: pushy i guess
trulytam: i'm not a.... solid good girl
trulytam: but i'm not a free flying whore either
want2bebadwme: great tell me all this stuff to interest me then u tell me U aren't tinterested in me
trulytam: i have had hook up things without relationships.. and that was great and all
want2bebadwme: I don't want a whore I can get girls no problem, I just want a fun one
trulytam: but i didn't like their voice... i didn't like what they had to say.... and i am the sort that i like ripping and tearing.. and dressing.. and having sex in as many weird places and in weird positions on this planet.. but i want to like what they have to say afterward
trulytam: i want to like the intellect..
trulytam: the passion that drives them.... to do those things with me
trulytam: i want them to be able to say certain things... that make me admire them to the point that i want to rip off every piece of their clothing with my teeth
trulytam: and i'm not talking about stupid shit like... romantic crap
trulytam: i don
trulytam: i don't trust sweet nothings most of the time
trulytam: i mean..... i mean... that their person... is so amazingly sexy because of their intellect.. that i want them all the more
trulytam: and i can't find that without a relationship
want2bebadwme: Well I have been told I have a sexy voice and I'm great to talk to
want2bebadwme: gotcha
trulytam: and i don't trust the bullshit that is dealt early on in relationships.. i don't trust the pick up lines..
trulytam: and i don't like superficial crap...
trulytam: and i don't mean voice tones..
trulytam: i mean what is being said
want2bebadwme: lol I was joking silly
want2bebadwme: well I hope you find what you are looking for
trulytam: by the way.. when i said i wasn't saying it to you
want2bebadwme: sounds like a guy is gonna get real lucky one day after he invest a lot of time into your relationship...
trulytam: i meant that i wasn't making a direct comment.. to try and convince you fo anything
trulytam: of anything...
want2bebadwme: I have been burnned so much I just need someone who knows how to cut loose
want2bebadwme: of anything what?
trulytam: that i have nothing to gain out of trying to make myself sound like this massive sex fiend... i don't need to have someone tell me i'm hot.. or.. i'm sexy... or try and find some sort of reassurance by attempting to convince you that i'm awesome like the other girls do
trulytam: i'm confident in what i am... and i'm confident in how sexual i am.. and i'm rather open about it... and not to gain attention like the rest... just because i feel like it is more healthy.. and i have nothing really to conceal
want2bebadwme: good for you I'm sure it is more healthy and it also feeds your self esteem
trulytam: not really
trulytam: as far as the self esteem thing.. i mean.. everyone needs reassurance from others.. i'm not saying that i don't seek it in some fashion...
trulytam: but i express it in a different way than a lot of people do
trulytam: but .. endnote.. if you are looking for someone to hit your shit in a noncommital fashion... either for two reasons.. one because they have no self respect or two they are hoping to fill something inside themselves and possibly develop a relationship... then i am not anywhere near that sort
want2bebadwme: lol ok

END OF CONVERSATION

Basically you can see that this wasn't really like a conversation with an actual other person..it was more of a conversation for my own notation and reflection. I didn't respect him.. he started the conversation trying to convince me he knew me and talking about how he was a porn star... which at that point.. I switched to my other mode... there is two people in me... the one that feels.. and the other that rips.. and I think I confused this chap enough to do justice.

Actually I think it irritated me that that he did the pop up aggressive wanna fuck line and then I stated I wasn't the sort of person he was looking for .. and he stated I was like the rest of the girls in this area... all wanting relationships.. all sexually supressed.. all sexually boastful... the rest of the girls in this area aim for relationships? When was that started... I could have sworn I was in the minority!
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