sinaurora (sinaurora) wrote,

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Delayed reasoning... ample thoughts

I'm writing the journal strictly for myself... not for others. I came to a dawning conclusion... may that trigger something in my mind to mock me in latter years I know not. Mental mind.. redundant much? know who I am... and know that I think I missed a portion of the chain.. maybe a couple times over... and may never be given the shot.
Braxton is ok... hopefully... Ida just called me.. wanted to do something today.. yeah... lol.. that will happen. I want to go to the used bookstore.. I want to live life.. but unfortunately sleep has to come at some point.. be that when most of my friends being night dwellers.. or most of the world.. day dwellers rest. I either feel functional or abundantly neglectful.
I hope I didnt fuck up my purpose.. I have this overwhelming feeling that I did.. but if it is in fact a purpose... doesn't it have to become something critical to me?
Is my life composed to helping others by making my caring noticed by sticking my finger down their throat? When do I get some sort of balance? When does someone shout it is me and it rings true?
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