sinaurora (sinaurora) wrote,

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Healing and mending but still not feeling

Sometimes I feel like a spider that has just consumed the full meal of it's companion and yet has no remorse. I think I get more irritated that I haven't found the elements that make my life more complete than am actually an evil person. I fluctuate in between being angelic and trying to make everyone happy or more satisfied and when that isn't an option I sometimes go the complete opposite. I was perfect growing up... I didn't swear until I was around 17... didn't drink.. never smoked.. no parties.. nothing. When I realized how hypocritical my parents were about those things... everything turned the other way. An ex wanted me to not drink and to be diligent.. but when I realized that he had spent the last 3 yrs drinking and partying without any responsiblities... when I had been doing the opposite... it was insanity. Maybe I should learn something from this.. everything doesn't have to be so extreme.
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