sinaurora (sinaurora) wrote,

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Lifts into abyss

I feel somewhat better at times... and just the smallest look for another person can cause me to come back to reality. I am fearful of myself.. and maybe my actions. Due to the fact that no matter how much I try to please... I still end up turning something into waste. Sure I knew experiences from each thing that transpires in my life would bring insight but do I not also create more wire for others to crawl through? I analyze sometimes to the point that people nolonger want to express... because I tell them too much of what I know of them. I attempt to unshell myself to a point that others think I'm too exposed and vulgar. I honestly don't know what people want... I don't really know what I want. I wish there was some sort of cosmic answer that told me how to know ways to get people to actually truly care. People want to be antosocial and sit at home and complain about lack of interaction and yet when involved never enjoy themselves. People complain of drought and yet when it rains they are weary of floods. I never want people to think of a glamorized front that I create initially... I want people to know who I am.. and embrace that. I'm pleading to some sort of power to just know that others are not as cold and calculating and corrupt as they portray. I have been attempting to just see positive when I am generally one to just seek negation and yet no matter how positive I am... it seems that others become the opposite. Please something out there... make some sort of sense of all of this... make some sense out of my thoughts... because maybe I really have not a thing.
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